I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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