hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
