Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I need to stop coming to work sober
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
