My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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