shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He shit in the fireplace
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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