Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
