I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
