wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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