There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
