the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
