just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im holly from the hills drunk
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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