just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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