Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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