You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
