Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
