I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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