those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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