Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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