I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
