he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
