I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
