ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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