Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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