my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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