How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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