theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
