So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
