I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
