There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
