my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type