i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
