What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
