i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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