apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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