she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
