Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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