No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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