Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
