she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
