he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
