I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
