we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
