Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
