he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
