I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
