This dress was meant to end up on your floor
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
