Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
