I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
