I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
