the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
