no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ketchup is God's man juice
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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