I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
