how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
