Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize