my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
