He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
