So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
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I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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