I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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