Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize