I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
