whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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