You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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