You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
