she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
