mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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