is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
