My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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