yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
