I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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