You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
