can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
